Select Page
It’s okay to be unproductive

It’s okay to be unproductive

Or is it? Maybe sometimes.

Have you ever felt that you just want to spend the rest of the weekends just lying on the bed? binge-watch Netflix? play your favorite computer games? But have you noticed that after doing nothing productive in a day there is somehow a weird feeling of guilt? I have the same feeling too. I noticed that there are several factors when I felt this and those are what I listed below:


I used to be too much productive

I have a full-time job and 2 side hustles all of which are related to development. In my regular job, I spent hours coding features from different repositories (group of codes based on functions), and during the weekends I do my other projects with my clients. Some days, I answer on-call support during weekdays too.  This routine of being productive is tiring but when you get used to it, your self tends to be missing something if ever you decided to be lazy for a day or two.

I loss my motivation

I used to be so motivated when working especially that I love what I am creating. But this year is the worst for me. I lost my favorite person in the entire world, my mom. Now, I am working just for the sake of earning a living.  This loss of motivation made me feel guilty even more knowing I haven’t accomplished anything of value and here I am lying in the bed browsing social media like never before.

But it’s okay…

Sometimes, taking it easy is the best way you can reward yourself. It is not your job to be the best every single day of your life.  Do not be too hard on yourself if there are days that you just feel like doing nothing.  Is it a sin to take a break after a hell of a week in the office? or after many troubles life thrown at you? Definitely NOT. Binge-watch your favorite Netflix series, play the games you’ve always wanted to play but you are just too busy, read a book while sipping coffee overlooking a beautiful nature view. Do these things with zero guilt. Take your time to reset and give yourself all the time you need. What’s important at the end of the day is your happiness and your peace of mind.

Believe in Dreams

Believe in Dreams

As I am checking on my things, I have seen my wallet from 10 years ago. Inside, I saw a note that says “Believe in Dreams.”

I smile because I remember who gave me this. It was my ex-girlfriend. She gave me this when we separated ways. It’s somehow what I needed to be reminded of right now. To still believe in my dreams and that everything will be all right.

This year is the worst year of my life. My mom died and everything started to fell apart. My dream, my motivation, my happiness. Everything seems to be getting out of hand. I have no hope, no inspiration, and no motivation. But I hope someday, I will start to believe in dreams again.

To my ex-girlfriend, if it happened you read this, thank you for everything and sorry for everything I’ve done. My immaturity, my mistakes, my selfishness, everything. I wish you nothing but success and happy life. I know it’s been 10 years since to say all of this but many words are still left unsaid.

The Chapter I Don’t Want To Close

The Chapter I Don’t Want To Close

Almost 4 months ago when my mom died of cancer.

Pain and sadness are an understatement of what I feel from the day she left us. Losing her is like losing a certain part of my soul and left it void. Unfillable void.

Those who knew me knows how much I loved my mom. I fight alongside her in her battle against her illness. I am cheering her up every step of the process. When she cried, I cried. When she smiles I smile.

They say that mom’s love is the best. It is indeed.  That love is everything I knew. It gives me courage, strength happiness, and hope. That’s why I never give up!

But sometimes, no matter how you fight, it is never meant to be yours. Sometimes, giving up is the only choice you have to make. It hurts like hell, but we really have to let go. God, did not heal her physically, maybe that’s not what he wanted for her. Maybe a greater good is waiting for her to wherever she is going.

I got tired of asking “Why?”. I just got tired of everything.

They said I must move on and that my mom wouldn’t be happy seeing me like this.

But, they just don’t understand. Or do they even try to understand?

What’s the only thing that keeps me going is that I still yearn to be a good person. Because something, inside of me, is telling me that I can still see my mom at the end of my life. I hope, I really hope.

Turning on to the next chapter of your life without your favorite character in it will never excite you nor it will give your life a sense of purpose.

I hate to turn the next chapter, but I have to.