Almost 4 months ago when my mom died of cancer.
Pain and sadness are an understatement of what I feel from the day she left us. Losing her is like losing a certain part of my soul and left it void. Unfillable void.
Those who knew me knows how much I loved my mom. I fight alongside her in her battle against her illness. I am cheering her up every step of the process. When she cried, I cried. When she smiles I smile.
They say that mom’s love is the best. It is indeed. That love is everything I knew. It gives me courage, strength happiness, and hope. That’s why I never give up!
But sometimes, no matter how you fight, it is never meant to be yours. Sometimes, giving up is the only choice you have to make. It hurts like hell, but we really have to let go. God, did not heal her physically, maybe that’s not what he wanted for her. Maybe a greater good is waiting for her to wherever she is going.
I got tired of asking “Why?”. I just got tired of everything.
They said I must move on and that my mom wouldn’t be happy seeing me like this.
But, they just don’t understand. Or do they even try to understand?
What’s the only thing that keeps me going is that I still yearn to be a good person. Because something, inside of me, is telling me that I can still see my mom at the end of my life. I hope, I really hope.
Turning on to the next chapter of your life without your favorite character in it will never excite you nor it will give your life a sense of purpose.
I hate to turn the next chapter, but I have to.